Tuesday, April 15, 2014

Your Neighbors' Recyclables

My favorite day to walk the dogs is the day "recyclables" get put out in my neighborhood.  I live on a cul de sac with only 8 houses, and we have the most interesting recyclables, so my street is no fun, but when I venture a few blocks to walk the dogs things get interesting.

I know so much about the people I have never met simply by observing what they put out in their recyclable cans.  For example:
  • Some major winos live at "Blue Shutters," at least I hope it's more than one person doing the drinking because their can is overflowing with empty wine bottles, all sizes and flavors, every week.  I have never seen any person at this house except a woman from a cleaning service. I always say hello to her since I'm hoping to get some intelligence on what the people at that house do for a living.  They either have really terrible jobs that makes them drink, or really easy jobs that allow them to be hungover everyday.  It's worth pursuing.  Maybe a stake out is in my future.
  • "White Volvo" feeds the family lots of crappy, processed food.  I need to get a look at that gang because they consume several industrial-sized boxes of Mac and Cheese weekly and they wash it down with lots of Diet Coke.  Based on the stickers on the back of their car, it appears that there are 2 kids and two parents eating all that junk.  No pets.  At least one of the kids is an Honor Roll Student, that doesn't add up based on all the chemicals they consume.
  • I think a young couple lives in "Broken Mailbox" because a) the mailbox has been broken for two years, and b) they drink a lot of beer and eat a lot of pizza.  I think we could be friends.
  • I know an older couple lives in "Closed Window Blinds" because they sit on the porch in the warm weather.  They eat a lot of Special K and almond milk.  I'm a little worried they are not getting enough protein because they are really skinny and the number of empty cereal boxes in their weekly can suggests they mainly exist on cereal.  Where are their adult children?
  • Somebody at "Window Boxes" is a compulsive shopper.  Every week there are two cans full of brown shipping boxes from lots of high end stores.  Good for them.  I think we could be friends, too.
  • "Toys in Yard" must have a clown car full of kids.  I usually see a bunch of kids playing in the yard and there are several empty boxes of diapers in different sizes in the weekly pickup.  The kids I see playing are too old for diapers, so I'm guessing they are either running a home daycare or have 5 or 6 kids.  Either scenario is frightening to me.
The next time you put out your recyclables you should consider that you might have a nosy neighbor, like me, judging you based on what's in your recyclable can, or maybe you're that nosy neighbor?

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